“What I mean is… maybe it’s only us” that’s a quote from the novel The Lord of the Flies and it means that it’s really the evil inside us. But I believe that people are born naturally good instead of evil. If they weren’t than there wouldn’t be any charities or donations or armies fighting for their country. If people were born bad then why do people save others before themselves. Think about how Martin Luther King did anything to fight and get people rights even if that meant he would go to jail. Also, in the book Night, Elie was willing to die if that meant his father would live.
Most people believe others are evil for no reason. But a lot of times, it’s because they probably had a bad past experience with something to make them turn evil. It’s like in the poem The Cold Within, all of the men don’t like each other for a reason, it was probably because of a past experience. For example, one of the men didn’t like the one because he was poor, it’s probably because he had a bad incident and that changed him. It’s like a school dress code, one day hoodies are allowed but then someone decides to hide something with their hoodie and they get caught. Then the next day hoodies end up being not allowed anymore all because of that one person. One time I tried to be nice to a cat but then it scratched me so now I don’t really like cats.
If people were born naturally bad then there wouldn’t be good, love, or selflessness. All of the people who changed the country in a good way did it because they love their country. Mothers and fathers care, love, and usually put their children before them. Families love each other, charities love to help and make a difference, all of these things people love and care and put others before them. If they were evil they wouldn’t be doing these things. LIke in The Lord of the Flies, Ralph would’ve killed all those people and probably wouldn’t have cared about the others and would’ve only saved himself and no one else.
Humans are naturally good and not evil. If they were born bad there wouldn’t be any good, caring, or selflessness in this world.
I enjoyed all of your outside connections, they really helped me connect with your essay. The story about the cat was a good input and it made me laugh while helping me once again, connect with you. I also liked how you gave some feedback for both sides; good and evil.But you might want to work on catching the readers attention in your intro more, and really get them thinking about your essay even when they're done reading with a better ending. Other than that, good job!
ReplyDeleteOverall the essay had some pretty solid points, but in the future explain your details a little bit more so the flow will click all the way. For example you started off great with an awesome quote from LOTF so instead of changing topics immediately after telling your readers what the quote meant, elaborate on the book a little more and give us the juicy details that the readers LOVE to read about. That also goes for all of your examples. You had some great examples of why humans have good intentions, but make sure you go deeper in your explanations so the readers can be persuaded and also feel what your're trying to get across to them. Then there are the little grammar things you can fix like "one man didn't like the one", change it to "One man didn't like one of the men". They probably "Have had". Use some of your AWESOME points earlier in your paper, don't save the juicy stuff until the conclusion. Other than that good job Bethany!
ReplyDeleteI think that you understand how to connect what you are saying to text and real life, but the organization of the ideas made the essay difficult to follow. I agree with Kashiem that you need to explain why you included the quote from the novel at the beginning of the essay. Also, remember to stand clear on the side you are on. Some of your support made me think that you were actually arguing the other side. Grade: 70%
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